Gender Operations: Marie Claire UK’s article

20 Jun

Without analysing the article for (possible) reading public too much, I will put it in this post.

It is not a personal issue or wish. I am CIS woman (seems to be insider term for a person born with the sexual reproductive organs that their gender feels like as well. Thus, in my case, born female…wanna stay that way).

However, the more convential portrayal of these issues in the Media, Marie Claire UK June 2010 has been done in quite a comprehensable but somewhat educatory manner. I like the fact that the operation doctor has chosen for a more subte form of femininity, which I find to be good to portray that to the general public as well.

Normally, the more flashy and somewhat hyperfeminine persons are portrayed in the media. For example, one of her patients portrayed in the article (and foto’s, the one topless), the Puerto Rican artist, has chosen for a more doll-like femininity.

Not that I want to judge on that choice, because CIS women themselves make these choices as well (taking the somewhat barbie-esque form of femininity or a more subdued form). However the fact that (post)trans woman are represented in the article who could be seen as completely standard or somewhat bland is refreshing, as normally the media aims to go for the most controversial figure (in Dutch society, that would be Kelly).


the closet

18 Jun

Today I looked into the closet, and realised that I will have more space….


loss, again

18 Jun

I thought we would make it…you and I.

Able to diminish the demons to total dissapearance.

Away, a togetherness stronger than life,

was not possible.

My Moon My Man,

is what Feist sang…

Moon has blackened,

the My not longer true

The Man away…alone…

A sad song…

my visibility

12 Jun

And so, without you, I will slide into the background again

On the previous post…

3 Jun

After yesterday’s post I was thinking a lot about the Rihanna videoclip and her African-Caribbeanness. Well, her bi-curiosity is an interesting topic, however, I think the girl should frolick with who-ever she wants in the videos, either hinting to a ‘rude boy’ in …tadaa rude boy or going all supermodelly glam-sensual with Casta. Sexual preference has never been an interesting topic to me…

The idea of ‘girlcrush’ can be defined in different manners, according to I believe there is a totally platonic explanation, and a not-so-platonic one…I think I would not want to actually be intimate with a ‘girlcrush’  because that would take the fun out of the admiration.

Even if it would be a person as famous and admirable as Riri..I kind of would send her to Casta or another supermodel anyway if the intimate was necessary so I would make a terrible partner ;P. I would be a fab friend, so that would be the better option.

Having spend time with bi and lesbian girls before I find it not difficult to be friends with them. Often, I am not their type, and if I was, they have never bothered me and respected my preference. So, I have never been in the part of a refusing heterosexual girl towards a persisting girl who sings ‘te amo’ (or saying any other love or sensual declaration).

However, I believe it would probably feel terrible for the one who pines for the other, it always does in heterosexual encounters and it would probably feel similar for the non-heterosexual ones (although you can always blame the preference for the rejection…like gay men always try to confort their heterosexual girlfriends “If I were straight you would be the first I would….”-blah blah). Would straight girls tell that to their bi/lesbian friends (who would be interested in them) as well?

Gosh, I wanted discussing Afro-Caribbean-ness and I wrote about that boring sexuality-issue again. Well, at least I’ve got that off my chest…

When a song sings about the unbalanced desires

2 Jun

Before I will show any video of the song I discuss in the title, I will give you some background information about my initial reactions.

Positioning my sexuality will be quite problematic, only I will say that I am technically a heterosexual woman. It also depends about who defines the rules of sexuality…in some peoples book you have to have had the technical part to claim some kind of preference to either sex, or both ones. However, the ‘hardcore’ gay people already struggle with bisexual people and the bi-curious are even worse in their book. At least, the curious have been technically curious, which would set my position in the worse-that-bicurious book, because I haven’t even tried, which will brand me as a heterosexual in their book..

What about the non-technical part?

In Elizabeth Grosz book, the ‘lesbian desire’ that is not the lack (often branded in the masculinist part of psychotherapy, but even the unfulfilment of this desire is a positive force. (look at all these poets creating poems for the ones they desired but could not get (and the painters, writers and other creativistas), or…in my book, exercising quite a bit because the energy should go somewhere).

So, what does all of this has to do with a song?

Rihanna is a singer that has been popular of her Umbrella song. During fall, I heard that she would be releasing a new album (or she had already done that) and I came across on a song called Te Amo. Spanish for…yes…”I love you”, combined with the reggaeton it gives a hispanic or latino element to the lover.

However, Rihanna, as an African-Caribbean girl (she is 22 so she is a girl in my book) sings as the ‘I’ about a ‘she’.

African-Caribbean girls singing about bi orientation is not the most common thing ever. Indeed, it is really not too common at all.

The ‘she’ seems to want more from the ‘I’ than the ‘I’ can give her (the ‘I’ sings “I hold her hand I got no choice”, whereas the ‘she’ touches the ‘I’s waist). To me, that sounded quite bi-curious.

Or, if Rihanna is the ‘I’ it seems like she is ducking away from bi-curiosity, because she sings “Listen we can dance, but you’ve gotta watch your hands, watch me all night […] cause I understand that we all need love, and I’m not afraid, to feel the love but I don’t feel that way“.

The whole song is filled with the ‘I’ feeling comfortable dancing with the te amo calling ‘she’, but, she is absolutely ask the she to “gotta watch your hands”. The ‘I’, Rihanna (?), is absolutely having a good time under the gaze of the female partner (who “takes the lead”) and still, the ‘I’ is not afraid, but neither going further with the ‘she’.

That was the content of the song.

So, the video was released, and the message that came across was quite incongruent to the text…(check out the next url)

I mean, there is absolutely no rejection, the two females are, ehm, more than dancing and holding each other’s waist.

I semi-discussed this online, but Rihanna is sometimes a bit in the dominant role-playing S&M role…look at those outfits (except that fantastic dress Rihanna is wearing in one of the scenes). And although I disagree Rihanna is constantly dominant, as the other woman “takes the lead” at some times as well, refreshingly, changing roles.

Anyway, my girlcrush was Rihanna at the time being (and she still is, which is quite the ultimate form of unattainable desire ever)…She already was since hearing this song for the first time (and actually, she looked quite fab in Umbrella too). So, Rihanna is probably my exception on my technical heterosexuality…

I do not really agree with the oversexualised crawling on the ground and the rolling over the cars (how to cater for a masculine crowd?) and I would probably had my video be a bit more congruent to the text but that would not sell as good as this video, honestly.

Still, the woman casted (Laetitia Casta, French instead of Italian, but she is styled in a ‘stereotypical’ Italian fashion for the video) is incredibly beautiful and I think Rihanna’s taste in women (if she picked her herself) is actually quite sophisiticated and beautiful. The landhouse is gorgeous and actually quite European themed (England?, France?, Italy?) instead of a place in the world that plays reggaeton beat (the beat of Te Amo) – that would have been somewhere in the Caribbean.

I think it is quite beautiful to watch at, and if I were as gorgeous as Casta I would have been exhilirated shooting this video with Rihanna.

And wow, this message to Afro-Caribbean women somewhat confused about not feeling completely heterosexually oriented…that is a strong message. Perhaps, as what happened with the Rihanna hairdo copied in the Caribbean, it might lead to more women coming out for their bi or lesbian orientation and perhaps it would help diminishing homophobia in some places in the Caribbean.



1 Jun

After having this crush for about 8 months, something I first welcomed (yey, I am going to crush on this person and I will finally reach my goals….!), I feel that it has become stale and inmobile.

The initial goals I had have not been reached after this period. I cannot even have a normal conversation (live or email) and conversating normally is a part of my initial goals. (Gosh, that does not sound emotional from my part…”reaching my goals”, but hey, this has been crush no. 35 or so, so I know how it feels and how I’ll react)

Shortly, it is time to move on an perhaps find a new crushworthy person. Perhaps I should not set any goals the next time…ha ha.