Archive | March, 2010


24 Mar

It is not that I am in a lesser mood all the time. I absolutely have my better moments. Moments that remind me of happier, carefree times. Moments that I have hope, the idea that I have a voice that is important, and that there is love.

Love, or being in love, or even being infatuated…it seems to coincide with spring. For me, it has nothing to do with seasons of nature…It can be possible in the coldest winter, or the dreariest Autumn…or totally pass you when a beautiful sping has sprung…

Does feeling in love give you a sense of unbelonging or belonging? It depends…if the other is suitable for you, it can feel like you have this feeling of home around you all the time. You can walk around in a unfamiliar area and when your loved one is in your mind, or better, actually present, you feel every fiber of the earth that dances around you and welcomes you.

Au contraire, when it is not right, the opposite of emotions can occur easily…



22 Mar

Yesterday I was physically sick, which takes the mental aspect on a sidenote. My internal body hurt and rejected everything inside.

The lovely sun outside was outside my reach…I stayed inside with my rejected body.

Yesterday I received the love of my partner…today he considers me his enemy. My mind is feeble…at least, compared to the non-feeble that wander around in society.

My computer broke…violence…I hated that thing but I should have done it myself.

the Un of belonging

20 Mar

The Unbelonging is a feeling of otherness, a state of adolescence that has lingered beyond the mandatory years between ten and twenty.

When life often feels like you are versus the world, and interhuman connection is something as illusive as unicorns dancing the salsa on your roof…

Positivity feels forced and mandatory…Thus, I will be honest and less subtle about my state of unbelonging. Do not read when you want to dwell in fake positivity, mandatory smiles or artificial sexiness…