Archive | May, 2010

actually quite normal

30 May

This week I was able to meet up with an acquaintance and actually have a normal conversation about life over a cool glass of rosé. A thing that is so normal for everyday girls and something that was so completely unique in this stage of my life.

These kind of normal but fun things doing with girlfriends or acquaintances were quite normal for me some time ago. Meeting up with girls over coffee, tea or something more substancial and chatting over boys, work, uni etc are key for the glue of friendship. Talking about crushes were good when in my teens as well, analysing the boy’s behaviour and…the perennial question: “is he really into me, or not?”

With google these days you can possibly read if  ‘the boy’ would be a possible match, but never underestimate the power of attraction, which can totally erase the googlefied efforts of compatibility. Or…if he is ‘not into you’ that can go beyond compatibility.

I wonder what I would do if I were dating in these days…google him first or after a while? I think I would leave the mystery part do its job first, and google later. On the other hand, if I would have zillions of chatty girlfriends I am quite sure I would love to chat about him and the things he as done according to google. So, it depends if I would keep it for myself for a while, talkwise, or that he would be the talk between me and my girls…

Perhaps, talking about the crush in your life with the girls…is something that glues the girlfriend bond. Perhaps it is a good thing to talk about the success in love ánd failures, discussing the times that ‘you were into him and he not into you’ or visa versa, and perhaps your friends can learn from your experiences…and the successes when ‘both you and him were into each other’.

Because girls, after al is the reading of the signs a damn hard thing to do, especially when the ‘boy’ is trained giving out ‘yes I want’ signs, but is just fishing the pond and will throw you back when you are not a fish suitable enough (and he has already been oogling a better fish, only you were the one biting the bait).

Perhaps he was fishing for you, but you were scared away by the other fishies hungry for the bait, and he will take one of the other fishies instead.

Thus, beyond all these fishing metaphors (and all these mad animal-human relations which sounds actually quite unequal as a relation between man and woman…come on, we are both humans on an equal level and neither one of us is some kind of animal) it stays complicated and not the easiest thing on earth…

So, the chat with the girls are always welcome, either if your ‘crush’ would work out, or not…


Locked in my own skin…

8 May

I have a skin condition…the word condition actually sounds like it is something positive, however, it is a skin ‘disorder’ or ‘disease’ to me. No euphenisms such as ‘condition’, or it might be a ‘condition’, only one that last and last and last (negatively).

Today I heard that my health insurance company does not pay for the at-home treatment recommended for me. My skin would have been ‘microwaved’ for a couple of seconds (a sort of tanning machine…so terrible against ageing but quite good against psoriasis) and my skin would become tolerable (or it would even cure). But alas, not such a at-home-treatment for me.

So, my skin locks me up…to be social…to be in more-than-social-relations as well. It locks me up against wearing sweet and flirty summer dresses when warm, showing some shoulder or a bit of (small) cleavage. I am already prone to being alone, but my skin makes me stand out even more alone.

So, thanks but no thanks to my health insurance company that receives a large sum of my finances every month…I feel crap, but wait, I already felt crap and maybe I feel crab as well because of my hardened skin…

somewhat a community

6 May

If I had friends who would join me going to the fantastic events available in the world, I would be the first to invite them and the party would rock. Nevertheless, I hardly have friends who can join me. Thus, I have to make the best of it in my alone-ness.

Nevertheless, I honestly had a fantastic time and a sense of community/togetherness during a concert. Sometimes, it is not too bad being alone…you can walk from one place to another without negotiating with your friends. Some people even semi-chat you up (even though I am not single and absolutely not in an open relationship), which is absolutely fun…a bit of banter.

Therefore, the enjoyment of being free (sometimes alone, sometimes together) is to be cherished.